Ana's Knocking but the doors stuck.

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http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/chocolate-covered-recipes/

amazing alternative recipes (all vegan!) and low cals.
she doesn't post cals for everything, but some things.

Knocks have gone on unheard.

I fought the "unhealthy" cycle of exercise and restriction.

but that bitch "binge" was on me like a savage dog.

I'm back. 

And I'm attempting to find a balance,

but to be truthful? I missed you so much Ana... 

Ana's Knocking, are you home?

It's been far to long. I tried normalcy. I tried eating, over-eating once in a while with friends "vegging out".

I drank liquids other then water, and spent entire days not working out. This normalcy is sick. I've been gone for close to a month and a half. It feels I've been gone longer... I missed Ana our time together. I don't wanna be without her again, she made me strong and confident. she made me have endless energy and motivation. 

Ana Here I Am, Opening the door wide.

Ana's Knocking, you disgust her.

How can you stand to look in the mirror? for 20days you let Binge with his microphone shout into your head, you let him mute your beloved Ana, and kick out the already whispering Mia. And now you're all alone with him... crawl and beg Ana to return, get Mia to come too if thats what you need.

"Ana please I need you now, I'm a disgrace without you, I gain, I eat, I am 2 of the deadliest sins in living form. Sloth and Gluttony are my split personality. Please come back please save me, I am so ashamed that I did you wrong. You're truly all I want and all I need. Amen. "

Ana's Knocking for victory

  I feel like I've been walking in a dream for the past three or four days, It was like I was in someone else's skin unable to be myself. I was groggy, hateful, crying, and a pig eating so much. I was trapped in this persons skin screaming to be let out, suffocating in the depression of my past. Thinking of those red blooming flowers on my arms, legs, stomach, thighs, neck. It was a spiralling nightmare only I was awake, I watched the scale bound up, 0.2lbs, 0.5lbs, 1.0lbs, 2.0lbs.It was like everything I'd fought for was worthless, like everything else in my life I was just gonna give up because I wasn't the best, there was nothing special about me.


   
I never finish anything I start, I don't wanna see the end, to know that I'm a failure, or that I'm average or mediocre at something. Music? not even mediocre. singing? nails on a chalk board sound better. organized? for a barn. Writing? if you could call it that. Photography? "you have an eye for it, but everyone can do that now-a-days". Lose weight? I will! I'm going to "wow" them and have Jaws dropping. I will be thin and beautiful, my boyfriend will proudly show me off because he has me and no one else will. I'm not giving this up. I won't be the best at it, but I'll make them stop doubting me. I will show them all!

And like that I was awake, I burst from the skin that had been holding me prisoner, poisoning my thoughts and holding me back. I was like a butterfly (rather moth, but i guess my mind can be beautiful) struggling out of its cocoon. I was me, rather an improved me again. Positive, and unwilling to give up the fight I will, I can and I do have what it takes to be thin, I will reach it my next goal is about 10lbs away I can do it!

Ana's Knocking, Its about to get real.

I am going completely honest with this, we're going to get into the nitty gritty of this. 

I began my most recent "weight vendetta" on April 1st 2011, I began this weighing

in at an unbelievably disgusting 280lbs, Staggering gag worthy 20 stone, or a shameful 127Kg.

Today, May 8th 2011, I weigh in at a still disgusting 258lbs, 18.4 stone, or 117Kg.  

A measly 22lbs, 1.57stone or 9.98Kg. Lost in 38days. 

I will do better I have to. I'm done with being this huge.. gross beast.

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Pretty Thin